I caught up with a friend yesterday – someone I haven’t really talked to in awhile. He told me that he would no longer call himself a Christian – which surprised me. He used to be “on fire”, so to say, but is now in a state of being unsure – unsure of whether God is there, but also unsure of whether He isn’t there. Agnosticism would be the closest box to put him in, but it’s still a very unique position.
It hurts me to see it. I don’t understand how someone who was once close to God can doubt Him at this level. From here it’s equally easy to go either way – and that’s scary.
It makes me start to doubt too. I often have to go back and rack my brains for things that have happened in my life that show me God is real. I usually have no trouble finding something, but sometimes it takes a while to think of a situation. All the while, the devil is trying to give me alternative reasons why things could have been “co-incidence” rather than God.
Alot of my faith is based on the people around me. I grew up in a Christian family, and I have been around Christians all my life. I don’t know the Bible as well as I should – so a lot of my morality comes from the teaching I have received and the people who I allow to influence me. When people I know throw their faith away – or come to an agnostic point – I really struggle. More so if that particular person has been a large influence on me, which was the case with another friend recently. I have to make a decision to accept what they are saying, but not agree with it – and to not allow it to influence me even though before I would have gladly listened to and thought deeply about what they said.
So then I have to go back to what I already know and believe. It’s hard. I wonder – if everyone around me faltered, would I be able to hang on? Is this faith my own, or is it kept alive by my earthly friendships with those who believe the same as me? If push came to shove, would I stay faithful? Deep down I know I will. But I hate this doubting.
hey tim
i reckon this will strengthen your faith…it could be a way of God teaching u to base your faith in Him rather than on circumstances. and to believe in Him because of how He loves you, rather than believing in Him because you have been influenced. Yeah i reckon it will definitely strengthen u.
its cool how u are so open.
thinking of u!
luv karis xoxox
Do you ever wish you could meet that person that would promise to love you no matter what? And, rest knowing that he/she will love you unconditionally for your entire life. You would only blossom and grow in such fertile soil of unconditional love. That’s what Jesus offers us. And, so it’s a matter following Him each day, and with each decision, even if sometimes it seems all you can do is put one foot in front the other, giving it all to Him, and depending only on Him. Jesus loves us unconditionally and because of that we can grow in Him. We can never love Him as much as He does us. But, making a daily commitment to Him is what we are called to do. Sometimes that means struggling to barely put one foot in front the other, and sometimes it means soaring as freely and fast as the wind can carry. Don’t give up on God. Hope is what we have in Him.
I’ve recently been confronted with this agnosticism and an embracing of the common world view of origins and evolving mankind, by one I love who, like you, felt his faith was inherited from me and not his own. The denial of real experience with Christ is what baffles me. What I have learned in my life is that no one will love me, no one will be absolutely truthful with me, no one will steadfastly walk with me, no one can truly know me, no one but Jesus, only He can meet these deepest soul needs. And He does.