Earlier today I visited the Red Cross Blood Service donor centre in Ringwood, Victoria, after deciding that despite a fear of needles, I still owe it to other people to donate my blood to save lives.

I was doing some reading beforehand, and discovered that the fear of needles is actually a known, documented and named phobia: trypanophobia. And today, my trypanophobia got to me.

Here’s my video blog of the afternoon, which follows exactly what happened on my first attempt at giving blood!

I haven’t decided yet whether I will try again. But I am afraid now that my trypanophobia will cause me to reject potentially live-saving medical treatment should I need it in the future… so I really need to work out how to cure myself!

I first found this out in grade six. We were heading to get those essential Hepatitis B injections, which required walking past many school buildings to get from our upstairs grade six classroom to the library. There, was a makeshift injection centre. This was going to be my first injection in many years – in fact, probably my first injection at school alone without my mum beside me.

I was feeling a little worried. That worry probably largely had something to do with the older kids telling me that I’d be able to feel the fluid pumping through my veins. I was told it would hurt more than any other injections I’d had before. And I didn’t really understand what it would be doing to my blood stream. I think as far as I was concerned, there was this fluid entering me and it wasn’t supposed to be there. It was certainly enough to worry an anxious 11 year old kid!

I got the injection. It pricked and hurt a little, but other than that I was fine. I waited about for about 20 minutes in the library as the rest of the class had their jabs, and we then took the walk back to the classroom. I sat down and quietly continued my work.

A short time later – probably about 5-10 minutes – the worry about the injection must have got the best of me. I started to feel a bit light-headed, and then pretty dizzy, so I got up to ask the teacher if I could take a rest. That’s all I remember… the next moment, everything was black and I could hear commotion: “Tim fainted! Is he ok? Tim, here’s your glasses.” It turns out I had started swaying as I was walking up to the front of the room, and I eventually went down in front of the blackboard, hitting my neck on the way down. Apparently my eyes were open – although I could not see. I could hear, but not respond. It took at least 20 seconds for me to come back into it, and I was probably out for around 20 seconds before I fell as well.

A similar episode happened some time later at home when I had to take a nasal spray. I had never taken a nasal spray before, and I thought it was a pretty weird place to be spraying something. Once again, I blacked out, walked and swayed for some time, and ended up on the floor.

After speaking to my doctor, it became clear that it was nothing in the medication or the injection that made me faint – it was simply psychological. I was scared about a procedure that I hadn’t had before, or didn’t fully understand, and perhaps, I just couldn’t cope with that.

This happened in grade six. But ever since, I have hated needles. I have been avoiding them wherever possible (including avoiding an injection I should have taken before a visit to Thailand). And when a jab was absolutely essential I would make sure I had a long period of lying down afterwards.

Whenever the question of donating blood came up, I’d say it’s not for me. I’m happy to donate my time and my money, but my blood? No, not if it requires a needle.

But… donating blood saves lives. I hadn’t really thought that being just a little uncomfortable for about twenty minutes, less than 5 times a year, could save people who I will probably never know.

And for me, it’s simply my view of the world that says to me: if it’s possible to donate my blood to benefit other people, then it is something I should be doing.

The other day, I took the interactive eligibility test – passed it with flying colours – and am now waiting for contact from a Red Cross Blood Service representative. My closest donor centre is in Ringwood, Victoria and I’ll probably be heading there real soon. I’ll just make sure I lie down for 20 minutes afterwards, and take the train home just in case.

World Blood Donor Day is Monday 14th June 2010. You can donate blood online at donateblood.com.au.

There is so much I could write about, so much I’ve had the privilege of learning this year, and so many people who have been a part of it. But the biggest thing that has happened to me this year is meeting the beautiful Lillian Yau from Melbourne – and we’ve now decided that I’ll be moving to Melbourne soon so that we can be a little bit closer to each other!

This will mean leaving my job at 1WAY FM and searching for new work – hopefully within media or Christian ministry – in Melbourne. There’s a lot I can share about this so I will be doing so through this blog, Facebook, Twitter, and on air at 1WAY FM over the next month or so.

I look forward to conversing with you and sharing with you some of what I’ve learnt this year.

Tim

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Prayed much more specifically than I ever have before, and had those prayers answered.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t recall making any for 2008. I’ve never really been into NYR’s, but there are certainly things I would like to do for 09, such as read more, eat healthier, exercise more, pray more, give-up on things less, and pay more attention to friendships/relationships. Rather than making these resolutions though, I need to make a resolution to plan to achieve these wishes…Rodney Olsen explains well!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries/states did you visit?
Thailand. In Australia, Queensland and New South Wales. And Western Australia!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Wow. Um. Less laziness. The ability to get more things done, or to at least use my time wisely. More time with friends.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I don’t recall anything big happening this year – just a number of smaller things. I imagine the dates and period of the year will fade over time.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Nothing that I feel was big – but there were many smaller achievements in getting over hurdles at work in order to realise our vision.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Allowing insecurities to get the best of me in too many circumstances.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My iPhone

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
A few close friends.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Won’t mention it in this public space.
Although for people in public life, Robert Mugabe will easily take that cake.

14. Where did most of your money go?
That’s a good question… probably into rent, actually . Aside from that, I donated a lot to various causes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Really, really, really excited about? I honestly don’t know… I don’t think I get that excited…

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I haven’t been that into music lately, and probably all that will remind me of the year is a song that came out this year. So it’d have to be something recent…. perhaps Gabriella Cilmi’s multi-Aria award winning Sweet About Me.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:?
a) happier or sadder: about the same, maybe? And that’s because I think I’ve gone both ways. I know more now than I did last year, and some of it makes me expectantly happy, and some of it makes me sad at the state of some people.
b) thinner or fatter: probably a little fatter. Just a little.
c) richer or poorer: the same! but I need to save more.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I touched on this in question 6. I wish I’d spent more time with friends and got to know people better. I also wish I’d done a few other things (such as cook a few more meals and read more). All in all, I wish I hadn’t wasted so much of my time being lazy!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Wasted so much of my time being lazy!

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With family . In Samut Prakan, Thailand. Last Christmas together as an immediate family – in fact our last time together as an immediate family. Karis gets married in August 2009 and will have her own family as her husband-to-be brings in his foster son, and I likely won’t see Karis again until a week or so before the wedding!

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
No.

22. How many one-night stands?
Hang on, just gotta count…. kidding. Zero!

23. What was your favourite TV program?
Gossip Girl probably takes it… others would be reruns on Comedy Channel such as The Wedge, The Late Shift, Yes Minister/Yes Prime Minister, and Are You Being Served?.

24. Did you make a friend with anyone that you didn’t know this time last year?
Yes, quite a few.

25. What was the best book you read?
Arhm….. probably the latest Neue Resources book (which I haven’t finished yet) from the guys at neueministry.com. There are many more lining my bookshelf which I’m sure would have been great if I did read them.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Haha, didn’t make many discoveries I’m afraid.

27. What did you want and get?
Stop asking me questions!

28. What did you want and not get?
Many things. 10 million dollars, a house, a car…. ok, fine. Just getting sick of questions that I don’t know how to answer right away.

29. What was your favourite film of this year?
Australia was pretty good. But I also didn’t see many films.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 20 in January this year, and I went out to a quiet dinner with 4 friends.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If you’ve read this far, you will be able to answer this from my previous answers.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Hahaha hopefully it improved a bit. I’m trying to look modern and sophisticated. There’s a few more things I need to do… such as get new glasses.

33. What kept you sane?
Laughing during our crazy conversations at home.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Paris Hilton? No, kidding. Really, probably no-one.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
I’m not going to be able to boil this down to one, so: Robert Mugabe’s continuing control over Zimbabwe, the blocking of foreign aid after Burma’s Cyclone Nargis, and the crazy back-and-forth of pro and anti government protesters in Thailand.

36. Who did you miss?
My family in Thailand…

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Wow… it would have to be someone I met through my job, hard again to bring it down to one person but it would be Nathaniel Garvin.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
That sometimes, other people really are completely f**ked up and you really don’t have to comply with their demands as soon as you’ve figured that out!

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Skipping this one because I’ll have to go off and find a song just to answer the question.

And that’s it… I’m really not a fan of these hot seat questions, but in a way it’s nice because it makes me analyze further what I have learned this year. To sum things up, I’ve become more secure in who I am and what I believe in, I’ve gotten to know myself a bit better, and I’ve learned to be more discerning of other people. I still have further to go though!

We’re going out tonight to Central World Bangkok for New Year’s Eve celebrations… and are trusting that the red shirt anti-government protesters (the more peaceful ones) don’t find reason to bomb the celebrations like it was rumored they did after the coup two years ago.

See you in 2009!

(posted 6:16pm Thailand time)

Even though I tend to go missing here sometimes, I know a break of just over four months probably isn’t characteristic of me. But the last four months have probably been the busiest of my work-life up until now. And as you’ll know – if you’ve read any other post on here – I’m a bit of a workaholic.

Suffice to say the busyness isn’t going to be over yet, and it’ll probably be the end of the year before I can settle down, take a look back and review the year gone, and actually process what I’ve learnt and put it into place for next year. I have notes and notes and notes of things I’ve learnt from conferences, discussions with mentors, books I’ve read, and magazines and websites I’ve explored… and I’ve been rushing through at such a fast pace that lots of it hasn’t even been put into practice yet. At least not consciously anyway.

I don’t actually have much to write. No actually, that’s a lie. I could write for ages. But I haven’t been able to sufficiently process everything to know that I want it to be out in cyberspace for ever. I’ve developed a few opinions this year which are probably quite controversial – at least amongst the circles I’ve grown up in. I need to be sure of myself before publicly talking about them.

I did an ego search tonight, and found this blog post. It’s super to know that what I’ve written here has been read and taken in by people. But it still scares me, how much people know about me when I realise they’ve been reading my blog! In that post I’ve linked to, the writer has printed out a copy of my testimony as used to appear on this site. I took it down some time ago now as I wanted to rewrite it to fit in the way I would now express myself – the previous ‘version’ was written several years ago (possibly 2004). It’s nice to know, in a weird sort of way and not through any of my own doing, that what I wrote has still survived online – but it reminds me that I might need to be careful of what I say.

In other news, an ACT election is being held this Saturday. I pre-poll voted so I could volunteer for a party on the day. If you want to know who I voted for, the foundations of my politics haven’t changed all that much since the federal election last year, so look back on my previous posts and you will find out. Given the frequency of my writing this year, they’ll probably be on page two.

I would imagine after four months not many people are regularly checking this site at the moment. But as I always say, I will be back…. soon! One day, in the not too distant future.

In my life I want to make a difference in those around me. William James said ‘The best use of life is to spend it for something that outlasts it’ – and investing into people is a great way to do that. The quote has even more significance if you’re old and wise and leading the young and not-so-wise (of which I am obviously currently in the latter bracket, learning off those in the other).

So my point is this. When a friend talks about the last two years of his life and states that you played a part in it, it is encouraging. Encouraging to know that, while you want to do good, partly now as a result of your doing good (which you wondered the whole time whether it was good or it was just an illusion that only you could see), someone else is now also doing good.

Investing into the people around you is going to make greater your own impact on this world. And it’s super encouraging, and keeps you going, to hear that you’re doing it well.

So thanks Adam. And the rest of this discussion, I shall continue with you in just a moment, but offline.

It’s only that much because I’m passionate about what I do. Because I’ve so many great ideas about new ventures and new and better ways to do what we do, that I want to implement them all at once.

Now if you don’t know me, or you haven’t read far into this blog before, I’m the manager of 1WAY FM, Canberra’s Christian radio station. At the moment we’re planning for Share-a-thon – it’s our annual appeal for funds to our listener base. It runs over three days, and last year we received $55,555 from our listeners. This year, we’re going beyond $55,555, and asking our friends to partner with us for a stronger reach. We haven’t set a ceiling, because we want to see how far we can go. We want to reach out to Canberra in a bigger and better way than we are at the moment, and there is so much that needs to happen for that to happen.

Planning a Share-a-thon is a big job. Being new in this job, I knew very little, and have been learning as I go. I’ve learnt now that to plan an intensive three-day campaign, you need alot of time. More time than I gave myself and my team! But we are going to make it. We just need to ask our God to bless us and the weekend and move in the ways that only he can for us to receive the financial help we need.

We have recently dropped our advertising rate for new sponsors, to help attract those new sponsors, and we’re spending some time out visiting local businesses to outline the benefits of getting themselves on air. Once this new income comes in, oh boy are there plans to spend it (and to use it to make more as well). We need to grow to a size where everyone in Canberra actually knows we exist, and there’s a lot of changes to make to get there!

I don’t know why, but I never ask the questions I want to ask at the time I can ask them. We were there as a rather large group – with five of us inside the observatory at a time, and the others waiting out on the lawn. There was question time afterwards. I asked Barry what model camera he was using (turns out its a Canon EOS400D, basically the entry level Canon DSLR – so nothing special required!) but other than that… no further questions. No questions about how he got into it, how he learnt what he needed to learn, how he kept motivated to continue… the kind of questions which could result in answers that could well motivate me toward something….. whether it be working out what I want to do with photography or just something completely arbitrary.

I could have asked him a bunch of questions and then came back home and wrote up a piece on this man and his observatory. I could have done it in a journalistic way. But instead I just stood there listening to what he had to say and remained uninquisitive.

Perhaps I’m just tired. Maybe that’s all. I was maybe too tired to be really interested enough, but nonetheless, something about tonight I found fascinating… maybe it’s the fact that the creation we were talking about and looking at truly is… indescribable. We had been watching Louie Giglio’s Indescribable DVD at our guys group (it’s in two parts and I missed the second and didn’t pay much attention during the first) which is why we went out to see the observatory tonight. My attitude was something of the sorts of….yeah, it’s just about the sky. I know God made it, I know it’s pretty amazing, but that doesn’t mean I necessarily want to listen to a sermon on it. But tonight, I realised I might be missing something. Perhaps it was the enthusiasm of the other guys. Or perhaps it was, as Barry was speaking, when I realised that this is geography, astronomy, and photography all coming together – knowledge from all three fields all being applied – at once.

Let me explain. I have a bit of a wide variation of interests. I like IT, the media, politics, psychology, language, photography and geography to name a few. And I get excited when I can bring together what I know as a result of having these interests. I can report on the workings of a political party by photographing politicians and watching the way they interact with each other, then put that together on a webpage. That’s five of those listed interests working together. And as I was listening to Barry tonight, realising that if you want to photograph star trails you need to have geographic understanding to know whether you want to shoot to the north or south depending on the type of star trail you want and where you are in the world, I think I got excited that this is another link between the things I enjoy.

What does that mean? That I might enjoy astronomy? I don’t quite understand yet why I seem to be interested in such a wide range of activities. I used to be set on IT – no way is that my life anymore. I’m expanding, learning new things, almost trying to know a bit about everything. Sure it means I’ll never get bored, but what am I moving towards? Am I just keeping my options open? I think I’m heading towards something so unique and exciting that only I can do it with the exact set of skills and know-how I’m picking up now. The exact…but very varied set. I’m not going to be an expert at one thing, but rather I’m going to know a bit about a lot that will come together and let me achieve something that no-one else can achieve. That’s what I think I want to do. I just don’t know yet what it’s going to be.

Fascinating.

Where to start? Work’s been going great. I’ve been working long hours – longer than I probably should be – so I should probably scale that back a bit. But the good thing is that I enjoy it – I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t. I’m learning alot too. Managing a staff of four and a volunteer force of around 30 people is certainly something I haven’t done before, and brings very unique challenges.

As I mentioned about a month ago, I’m doing a photography course. I’ve recently uploaded some photos from that to my Facebook, and you can see them here. There’s a bunch of other new photos and albums too – see my photos page for all the details (including photos taken from the SouthCare helicopter on a flight over Canberra).

I’ve also had quite a few couchsurfers stay recently. Just travellers from different corners of the globe who needed a bed while seeing the sights of Canberra. I had Guillaume from France for a few nights; Elaine, Elliot and Chase from the States for a couple of nights; and Judy and Tobi from Germany for a week. I had a lot on when the Americans and Germans were staying – I was out almost every night – so I feel quite bad for not getting to spend much time with them! It was a pity not to get the chance to get to know them better… but hey, at least I got to help out the travellers.

Other than that, there’s not much to say… or rather there is, but I just don’t know where to start. So I’m not going to for now.

More later. And the photo of the week will be back from Monday!

And that’s the simple story of how I came to be at the Canberra School of Photography this evening. I’m hoping to refine what I’ve taught myself over the last few years and learn the way that the real professionals do it, so that I can take better photos of people I know or things I see when I’m away, and so that I can put the skills to use as they’re needed at work.

Because it’s late, and I’m tired because I was out late for my birthday last night, I’m really not in the mood to write more, so I will just post a few photos that I took tonight. I promised those at the course that I’d put up more of my other photos – they will be here sometime later this week. In the meantime, the first photo you could have a look at is my first photo of the week. I would be very keen for your comments – especially from those of you who have had more experience than me!

And these four photos were taken tonight. They really don’t need much explanation. Click them for a slightly larger view.